The Mama Podcast

13. Confidence & self love after becoming a mom with coach Aliya

October 19, 2020 Sumayya Sarwar
The Mama Podcast
13. Confidence & self love after becoming a mom with coach Aliya
Show Notes Transcript

I discuss all things confidence and self love with Aliya. It is so common for women to lose some of their confidence after they become moms; Aliya talks to me about how we can build this back up. We discuss comparison and what impact that has on us and our confidence along with carving out time for yourself.

Connect with Aliya on Instagram @coach_aliya or @women_who_flourish

We love hearing from you, contact us, email: hello@mymamaapp.com

Download the Mama ME app on Apple or Android, Find the links on the website
www.mymamaapp.com

Social media: @mymamaapp




Intro music: www.bensound.com

hi mama you're listening to the mama

00:05

podcast it's Sumayya here the co-founder

00:08

of mama ME app

00:10

mama me is the first app to exclusively

00:12

connect mothers across the middle east

00:15

connect with like-minded mamas and

00:17

create lifelong friendships

00:19

at mama we are all about connecting

00:21

mamas to empower women

00:23

so let's join together and make this

00:25

mission a reality

00:26

this week we're talking all about

00:29

self-love

00:30

and confidence i'm joined by alia who's

00:33

a

00:33

coach and specializes in this area

00:36

we talk all about mom guilt comparison

00:39

and how to find a few minutes of peace

00:41

to help grow our confidence

00:43

let's get stuck writing alia thank you

00:45

so much for joining me on the mama

00:47

podcast i'm really really excited to

00:48

talk to you today

00:50

thank you for having me i'm really

00:51

excited as well

00:53

so i'd be great if we start off with

00:56

your journey and just a little bit about

00:58

how you got to becoming a coach

01:00

and then we'll dig into why you sort of

01:03

decided to specialize in confidence and

01:05

self-love

01:07

yeah sure definitely so my background is

01:10

quite different to what i do

01:12

now um so initially you know i studied

01:15

biomedical science um at university and

01:18

then i went in to do my master's in

01:20

public health

01:21

and that was you know i was really

01:22

interested in public health at that time

01:24

and i really had a passion for

01:26

it um and i worked in that sector so i

01:28

worked at public health england

01:30

um i was one of the managers for the

01:33

national antimicrobial resistance

01:35

program

01:35

so i had a you know i moved my moved up

01:37

quite quickly at a young age had a lot

01:39

of responsibility which was just awesome

01:41

um i went to the start that works for

01:44

the charity

01:44

but honestly for me you know it sounds

01:46

really cliche sounds quite cheesy but

01:48

it's the reality of

01:49

you know i was in this you know had a

01:50

great role but i just kind of thought

01:53

you know as much as i loved it i felt

01:56

like

01:56

i wasn't making the difference having

01:57

making the impact that i wanted to be

01:59

having on a daily basis

02:00

so you know i knew that somewhere down

02:02

the line people were you know benefiting

02:03

from my work

02:04

but i wanted to do something a lot more

02:06

meaningful where i could you know see a

02:07

difference every day

02:09

um so i i really kind of you know dug

02:12

into you know what i'm passionate about

02:13

what i'm interested in and i also kind

02:16

of ask myself the question of where do i

02:18

want to be

02:18

in you know five ten years time and you

02:21

know sitting in this office i was like

02:22

do i want to still be here

02:24

in five opinions do i want to just work

02:26

my way up with the ladder and

02:28

i just thought no like the answer that

02:29

came to me was no like i want to just

02:31

just i just want to do so much more um

02:35

and so i i didn't yeah i just kind of uh

02:37

sort of like

02:38

thought about what am i interested in

02:40

what are my strengths and

02:42

i've always been very interested in

02:43

psychology and human behavior just for

02:45

myself it wasn't something i studied but

02:47

it's something i read a lot about

02:49

um and then i came across coaching

02:50

actually so i just kind of came across

02:53

it online

02:54

and there was a course that came up like

02:56

a trial day so i went and attended it

02:57

and i was like oh wow this is what i

02:59

want to do

03:00

um so yeah so i signed up to the program

03:02

and i did my nlp training as well from

03:05

an nrp practitioner as well

03:06

and then i decided you know what this is

03:09

something that i want to you know do

03:10

more of and that's how it started really

03:13

that's so exciting i really resonate

03:15

with that because i think that's

03:17

the kind of conversation i had with my

03:19

with myself in my head

03:21

that do i want to do this when i'm 50

03:23

years old like as a dentist do i want to

03:25

be

03:26

in a dental practice doing what i'm

03:27

doing right now every single day

03:30

when i'm 50 and the answer was no so

03:32

it's really interesting that you

03:33

actually

03:34

had the same kind of experience yeah

03:37

it's a powerful question to ask yourself

03:38

for sure

03:39

when you decided that actually this is

03:41

the new route that you want to go down

03:43

into surely wasn't as easy as hey i want

03:46

to do this right i'm going to quit my

03:48

job and then

03:49

there must have been some level of self

03:51

self-doubt and like you must have

03:52

questioned your own confidence in that

03:54

right

03:56

100 um yeah 100 i mean it was just it

04:00

was just an idea and i had it

04:01

i mean i think looking back it wasn't

04:04

something i really planned to do i

04:05

wasn't like right i'm going to start my

04:06

own business in this and this is what i

04:08

want to do for the rest of my life not

04:10

at all it was

04:11

you know i started enjoying the course i

04:13

started the training

04:14

and then i started you know coaching

04:16

clients as well and i started enjoying

04:18

that and i was like oh hey this is cool

04:20

you know i'm getting really positive

04:21

feedback

04:22

um and then at the time i actually

04:24

decided to work with a coach as well

04:26

because i think it's really you know

04:27

important as a coach to have a coach to

04:29

help you

04:30

to you know reach um achieve your goals

04:32

and get out of your comfort zone so i

04:33

started working with a coach

04:35

and it was through working with a coach

04:37

that he asked me these questions

04:39

and got me to you know think big and got

04:41

me to really think about what i wanted

04:42

to do with this and i was like

04:44

oh wow i've never i've never really

04:46

thought about this before

04:48

and so from then having those kind of

04:49

conversations i enabled me to start

04:52

dreaming big

04:52

and thinking about what i could do and

04:55

so

04:56

so what i did was yeah i was still

04:57

working full-time um i was doing my

05:00

training on the weekends and i was

05:01

seeing clients in the evening

05:03

so i was really kind of building it up

05:05

um you know for a while so i did that

05:07

yeah for

05:08

almost around six months and then i just

05:09

kind of got to the point where i was

05:11

like

05:11

i just had it in me where i was like you

05:12

know what i just want to take six months

05:14

out

05:15

um i just want to go and fill in for six

05:17

months and just see and if it doesn't

05:18

work out that's

05:19

fine um and i can always go back to my

05:22

career but i kind of got to the point

05:23

where i said let me just try it so

05:24

that's when i decided to sort of go all

05:26

in at that point and kind of see where

05:28

it goes from there

05:29

um but yeah it definitely hasn't been an

05:31

easy road for sure

05:33

do you still have a coach um i do yeah

05:37

i have a coach that i work with

05:38

definitely i think it's just important

05:39

because

05:40

you know we do have blind spots you know

05:42

we have blind spots

05:44

and i think it's important um you know i

05:47

am someone who likes to challenge myself

05:48

as well

05:49

and you know i think the more when you

05:51

start to challenge yourself

05:53

and you know i think it's just you know

05:55

it just has

05:56

just yeah i mean at the end of the day

05:57

i'm a coach but i still have times when

05:59

my confidence dips

06:00

or i'm like oh can i do that or you know

06:03

i try to play it safe so i think having

06:04

a coach really just helps me to kind of

06:07

you know push a little bit and say oh

06:08

maybe i can do that as well

06:10

and help me to see those blind spots so

06:12

is it that a coach sort of

06:14

they don't just motivate you right they

06:16

kind of give you tools

06:18

to achieve your goals is that right

06:21

so as a coach for me it's really i mean

06:24

it's different for every person

06:25

and so it isn't that i you know sit

06:28

there and give advice to someone it's

06:29

really about

06:30

asking powerful questions okay so when

06:32

i'm with my clients you know i

06:34

work with women and help them to build

06:35

their confidence and you know love

06:37

themselves more and so for

06:39

each woman when they come to me it's

06:40

really about finding out you know what's

06:42

going on for them right now

06:44

really digging in for them because you

06:46

know if it was just about giving tips

06:47

and advice

06:48

everyone could do that right we just go

06:49

on google and be like okay here's some

06:51

you know tips

06:52

but it's about identifying for each

06:54

person like okay what's going on for you

06:56

right now

06:56

you know what's holding you back right

06:58

now what's going on inside your mind

07:00

so coach really helps you to you know

07:02

ask the questions that you don't

07:03

necessarily ask yourself

07:04

and then you know guides you along and

07:07

and taking those first few steps

07:09

that's um really interesting and what

07:11

made you get into

07:12

confidence and self-love as a category

07:15

within sort of coaching

07:19

so i think part of it is was my own

07:21

journey

07:22

um as well so when i was when i started

07:24

my career

07:25

you know um my confidence wasn't so

07:28

great you know i didn't really think i

07:30

could do much

07:31

um you know i knew that i had the

07:33

knowledge um and

07:35

skills but you know putting myself out

07:36

there was definitely a no-no

07:39

um but you know i was lucky in the sense

07:41

that i had you know managers at work

07:44

that actually believed in me and they

07:45

saw my potential

07:47

and so what they did from early on is is

07:49

they decided to like give me that little

07:51

push

07:52

and you know for example there was a

07:54

time where i had to there was a

07:56

conference that came up and

07:57

you had to speak in front of like 200

07:59

people and you know my my boss is like

08:01

right okay you're gonna speak at this

08:03

national conference and i was like no

08:05

i'm not she was like yes you absolutely

08:07

can

08:07

and she's like you know i was like no

08:09

i'm not so it happened a few times in my

08:11

career

08:12

and you know they kind of gave me those

08:14

sort of pep talks in a way to say you

08:16

know

08:16

you can do this you can do what you put

08:18

your mind to and so

08:20

after kind of following their guidance

08:21

and starting to do that my confidence

08:23

really really you know grew massively

08:26

and it helped me to realize that you

08:27

know it's all within me all the tools

08:29

are in

08:29

with me it's just it's just having that

08:32

you know sometimes we can't see within

08:33

ourselves

08:34

sometimes we just do need someone to see

08:37

something within ourselves that we can't

08:38

see and

08:40

so from having that you know having

08:42

people help me with that

08:43

i basically was like wow i would love to

08:46

be able to do the same for other women

08:47

so i really help women to you know bring

08:49

out what's inside of them bring out that

08:51

fire that's within them

08:52

and you know help them to take those

08:54

steps as well

08:56

it must be so exciting to have a woman

08:58

you see her potential

09:00

through a conversation with them and

09:02

then you could really sort of

09:03

ignite that fire that must be so

09:05

rewarding for you

09:07

it is it is really lovely because you

09:09

can see a lot of time it's like

09:10

there it's like itching to get out you

09:12

know there's so much but they're just

09:14

like oh

09:14

but once you give them that push that

09:17

little kind of gentle push then they're

09:19

just like they just go for it and do

09:20

amazing things you know and

09:22

a lot of them like they say like you

09:23

know i'm a leader inside like there's so

09:25

much i can do and i just

09:26

it's just kind of yeah it's really

09:28

lovely it's really rewarding and

09:30

and the thing is as well you know the

09:32

one of the reasons as well

09:33

for um why i specialize in this area is

09:37

because

09:38

i think there's so much emphasis now on

09:40

the skills that you have and the

09:41

knowledge and yes you go to a good uni

09:43

you have a degree and you have the

09:45

skills but at the end of the day if you

09:47

don't have your confidence alongside

09:48

that

09:49

then you're going to always hold

09:50

yourself back you know having all the

09:53

knowledge and the skills

09:54

it doesn't necessarily mean that you're

09:56

you'll move upwards and you'll move

09:58

ahead so

09:59

if you don't have the self belief you'll

10:00

always be you know kind of missing out

10:02

on opportunities and and yeah

10:04

holding back yeah but being able to put

10:06

yourself forward for things is so

10:07

important not just like

10:09

in your career but in life as well right

10:11

like being aware of the opportunities

10:13

that are coming

10:14

like in front of you and being able to

10:15

like grab them with both hands

10:18

do you know i mean i don't know if there

10:20

is a study or if there's information out

10:22

there but

10:23

is there information as to why women

10:25

struggle with confidence more than men

10:27

do

10:29

yeah there's i mean there's a few

10:30

reasons i think by the way there's this

10:33

really interesting study i don't know if

10:34

you've

10:35

um heard of this stat it's by um hp

10:38

and they found that uh when it came to

10:40

applying for

10:42

uh a job um men you've heard of this men

10:45

yeah

10:46

men applied when they um

10:49

met 60 of the criteria whereas women

10:52

applied when they had when they met 100

10:55

of the criteria

10:56

and you know that's just huge and that

10:59

just that just shows that it's not

11:00

necessarily a difference

11:02

in competency and being good enough for

11:04

the job

11:05

but it's about the confidence so they

11:08

just didn't believe that they

11:09

you know were they didn't have that

11:10

confidence to put themselves out there

11:12

and say hey i can you know potentially

11:13

go for this

11:14

um you know one of the reasons is you

11:17

know upbringing for sure you know the

11:19

difference in upbringing

11:20

um you know with boys and girls you know

11:22

girls are

11:23

um and again i know times are changing

11:25

which is really great

11:26

um but it's just like you know boys kind

11:29

of in school kind of

11:30

you know um being a bit more boisterous

11:32

i think um

11:34

boys kind of saying things and being

11:35

more blunt than you know than boys and

11:37

obviously being softer to girls so

11:39

there's all of that as well

11:40

i think also um with beauty standards as

11:44

well

11:44

you know that plays a huge part in in

11:47

our confidence and you know

11:49

unrealistic expectations of how we

11:51

should look and what we should do and

11:53

the different roles we should play in

11:54

our lives

11:55

so yeah it's a number of factors and

11:57

play a part

11:58

i think yeah you're right i think i

12:00

think people are more aware of these

12:03

changes and all these um the impact that

12:06

this can have on

12:07

sort of younger children and i'm hoping

12:09

that as generation as the new generation

12:11

grows

12:11

that we'll see less of that sort of um

12:14

between the two genders because it is

12:16

something that as a parent i'm

12:18

a lot more conscious of as well to know

12:20

that you know you're not

12:22

categorizing a person because of their

12:24

gender so i have a daughter and i don't

12:25

want to categorize her

12:26

into like doing things that girls do so

12:29

you know it's okay to play with dolls

12:30

but it's also okay with to play with

12:31

trains and cars and dinosaurs you know

12:34

it's not

12:35

things aren't gender based and they

12:37

shouldn't be gender-based because we

12:38

should allow them to flourish in what

12:40

they do well and i think it is something

12:42

that's becoming more and more

12:43

um talked about so hopefully as as time

12:46

goes on that will be something that will

12:49

that will sort of stabilize and settle

12:51

in in years to come but it is something

12:53

that we still deal with right now

12:55

um just bringing it into sort of

12:57

motherhood and parenting

12:59

it's really common for women to

13:02

lose a lot of their confidence after

13:04

they become moms um

13:06

just because like i don't really know

13:08

what the reason is and i guess

13:09

it's probably different from person to

13:11

person and why they lose confidence but

13:14

it's such a big transition

13:15

so going from like not having any

13:17

responsibilities and

13:18

not having someone to look after to then

13:21

and then going to work every day having

13:22

your own sort of

13:23

um outlet to going from that to then

13:26

having responsibility having a child

13:28

doing everything around their routine

13:30

etc

13:31

has a big impact on your confidence and

13:35

i know you work with women in general so

13:36

you work with moms and

13:38

women is there anything that we can do

13:41

to sort of pick

13:42

ourselves up in terms of confidence are

13:44

there any set like one or two things

13:46

that we can do

13:47

to just sort of work on our confidence

13:49

after having a child

13:50

yeah for sure and like you said it's uh

13:52

it's a transition isn't it

13:54

um and it's it's going from one place of

13:57

like

13:57

you said having the time having the

13:59

flexibility doing what you do and then

14:01

suddenly there's you know a baby and

14:03

there's you know life has completely

14:04

changed so it's really having that

14:07

um period of adjustment and

14:10

i think really it's about starting there

14:12

as well it's actually

14:14

you know kind of having that kind of

14:15

faith in yourself that you can we'll get

14:17

through it you know that's just kind of

14:18

as a start

14:19

but i would say um really it's about

14:22

small steps

14:23

because i think especially as women as

14:24

well what we can end up doing is putting

14:26

so much pressure

14:27

on ourselves you know feeling like we're

14:28

gonna be it's right all or nothing like

14:30

either gonna be the best or it's gonna

14:32

be like this or just forget it

14:34

and so you know really it's about you

14:36

know taking small small steps every day

14:38

and i know

14:38

for example um you know a lot of moms

14:40

you know i know the challenge is time

14:42

right like you're really strapped for

14:44

time and you're just it's very difficult

14:46

so i'd say one thing is you know start

14:48

really really small

14:49

um you know uh think about what you if

14:52

you have like

14:53

pockets of five minutes in your day just

14:55

five minutes throughout the day where

14:58

you can do something

14:59

that's just for you that you know kind

15:01

of picks you up

15:02

so i talk a lot about morning routine um

15:06

and in the power of starting your day

15:08

off

15:09

intentionally positively and it really

15:12

helps to build your confidence

15:13

as well you know doing a few things in

15:15

the morning so again what comes up from

15:17

mumsa is well i don't have time in the

15:18

morning you know my kid rushes in

15:20

i don't have a time where i can start

15:22

the day so what i'd say that is

15:24

even if it's just as small as little

15:26

five minutes where you do something

15:28

every morning

15:28

just to be really intentional about

15:30

having you know a good day ahead

15:32

and that could be for example you know

15:34

um giving yourself a little pep talk you

15:36

know doing some breathing

15:37

giving yourself a pep talk in the mirror

15:39

like you know what today is a good day

15:41

you know i've got this

15:42

um you know saying some kind words to

15:44

yourself like hey i've got this i'm

15:46

gonna do you know

15:47

great today i'm you know i'm feeling

15:48

positive i'm feeling great something

15:50

like that

15:51

or maybe it's a bit of breathing maybe

15:53

it's a bit of gratitude as well i think

15:54

starting the day off with gratitude is

15:57

really really powerful and throughout

15:58

the day as well just you know boosts

16:00

your moods

16:01

um so i just say that that's like the

16:03

first thing i'd say is just kind of

16:04

do it doesn't have to be like an hour or

16:07

two hours

16:08

just think about how you can do things

16:09

for like five ten minutes in the day

16:11

for yourself and then like and then i

16:14

guess as

16:15

the child grows you have they become a

16:18

little bit more independent and so

16:20

you can find slightly longer pockets of

16:22

time to sort of focus on

16:24

um it's really interesting you mentioned

16:26

that you should just find

16:27

like have a morning routine and i think

16:29

just speaking from a mom perspective

16:32

when they're really young that can be

16:34

quite challenging because often you've

16:36

had a really sleepless night so

16:37

you know you try and like catch all the

16:40

sleep that you can so you might sleep

16:42

till the point that the check the baby

16:43

wakes up

16:44

and but what i found really helped for

16:46

me was when they're quite young

16:47

when like especially when they're sort

16:49

of five six months old

16:51

in that sort of early six months they

16:53

sleep a lot so

16:55

often they go down for their first nap

16:56

really early in the morning and my

16:58

daughter would sleep around half eight

16:59

nine o'clock so at that time

17:01

i would like it didn't matter what else

17:03

needed to be done for the day i would

17:04

dedicate that sort of 15 20 minutes to

17:07

going in for a shower

17:08

getting dressed like combing my head you

17:10

know the basic things that you normally

17:12

would

17:12

have taken for granted before you had a

17:14

child because you know

17:16

you don't have time for those things but

17:17

really making time so

17:19

just prioritizing that that's that's

17:21

amazing that's amazing that you did that

17:23

and

17:23

and you know like you said it's it's

17:25

about prioritizing as well isn't it

17:26

every there's probably always 100 things

17:28

to be done

17:29

but you're like yes the other things can

17:31

just wait for now just but

17:33

those 10-15 minutes will make i mean did

17:34

you find that they made a big difference

17:36

to your day

17:37

absolutely like you just go from like

17:40

feeling like disheveled and tired to

17:42

like just feeling

17:43

so much fresher and like right i can

17:45

start my day now i've got this you know

17:47

like having that 10 minutes made me so

17:49

much happier

17:50

and if i could have like it didn't

17:52

matter if the dishes weren't done

17:54

yeah and and i'm sure that had an impact

17:56

on the people around you as well

17:58

like you're you know for your your baby

18:00

if your husband

18:01

other family members or friends around

18:03

you you just felt you know calmer

18:04

as well as everything you did as a

18:06

result falling on from that

18:08

you just you did from a better place

18:10

than if you were still like you said

18:11

kind of rolled out of bed you hadn't

18:12

showered your hair was a mess you're

18:14

just kind of scraping throughout the day

18:16

so it's just 10 minutes for you and it

18:17

made a huge difference

18:18

yeah it's my one piece of advice that i

18:21

say to every single

18:22

like pregnant woman that's due to give

18:24

birth just 10 minutes and

18:26

you know the first six months are

18:27

challenging because that transition is

18:29

and it varies from person to person but

18:31

for some people it can be quite

18:32

challenging and so it does get easier in

18:35

the sense that you'll have a little bit

18:36

more time

18:37

as they get bit older but in those first

18:39

six months you could really eat like

18:41

it's quite easy to just let yourself go

18:43

six months later find yourself in this

18:45

position where you've lost all your

18:47

confidence and

18:48

you know you you feel like a completely

18:50

different person because you're really

18:51

not focused on yourself at all

18:53

yeah sure and that's why i talk a lot

18:55

about you know creating a lifestyle

18:57

as well and so it's you know instead of

19:00

and of course i empathize with the fact

19:01

that of course when you have a baby

19:03

things are completely out of you know

19:04

completely flipped upside down

19:07

but again it doesn't need to take a lot

19:08

of time even if it's things that you do

19:10

for like five minutes in your day that

19:12

help you to just feel good about

19:13

yourself

19:14

you know like you said rather than

19:15

feeling you know what i'm gonna exert

19:17

myself and

19:18

do everything that needs to be done

19:19

whether it's the dishes all this all

19:20

that

19:21

you know i'm just gonna say no that's

19:23

okay it can wait i mean something like

19:24

that i look at that as an act of

19:26

self-love

19:27

you know that's an act of self-love

19:28

because you're like you know what i'm

19:29

just gonna prioritize me right now and

19:31

it's small things like this throughout

19:32

the day that really you know

19:34

are acts of kindness towards yourselves

19:36

it's not about thinking about the big

19:37

thing i'm gonna get to a point where

19:39

i've

19:39

completely like you said let myself go

19:41

and i'm just exhausted and burnt out

19:42

if you can just take five to ten minutes

19:44

throughout the day it can make such a

19:45

big difference

19:47

i think that's yeah it's a really good

19:49

way of looking at it because i think

19:50

just the thoughts of like

19:52

all this stuff that needs to be done and

19:53

also i now need to add time for

19:55

self-love if

19:56

it could feel quite overwhelming i

19:57

couldn't like i can imagine if you're

19:59

not used to doing it it can feel quite

20:00

overwhelming

20:02

and and that's why i think of you know

20:04

thinking of the boring things of

20:05

self-love right so it doesn't need to be

20:07

like right okay now i'm gonna

20:08

practice self-love i don't have time no

20:10

it can be you know what now i'm just

20:11

gonna pause for five minutes that's

20:13

self-love you know it's just doing yeah

20:14

the little

20:15

little things yeah or have a cup of tea

20:18

and actually spend time just drinking

20:19

the tea

20:20

and or like whatever like just little

20:22

things i'm sure

20:23

i think when we look at it that way

20:25

there's so many little nuggets of time

20:27

that we could probably find

20:28

yeah i mean even just you know um

20:30

practicing mindfulness like with

20:32

whatever you're doing as well

20:33

let's say you know you have got that

20:35

five minutes to drink a cup of tea like

20:36

you said just being fully present

20:38

in that cup of tea you know enjoying

20:40

that cup of tea or coffee

20:41

and like that's it you know being

20:43

mindful as well and that will help you

20:44

to feel so much

20:45

calmer as well throughout the day yeah

20:47

and it's so much better for the children

20:49

right like being

20:50

a happier you is is better because they

20:52

they really do feed off your energy

20:54

so it's great to be like a more

20:57

energetic happier positive person and

20:59

it's not the same every single day

21:00

because some days are really challenging

21:02

as a mom

21:03

but you know as much as we can do we

21:05

should try and do i i

21:06

i feel um let's talk about comparison

21:10

so it's quite easy to compare yourself

21:12

to other moms and things that you see on

21:14

social media and other

21:15

like you know other mom posting things

21:17

on social media do you have a take on

21:19

that because that takes away from your

21:21

self-love surely because you're

21:22

comparing yourself to somebody else

21:24

yeah definitely and like you said with

21:26

social media as well it's just so

21:28

you know easy to see all the other

21:30

people all the other moms who

21:32

just like like wow okay they they're

21:34

flowing

21:35

like through life they look amazing

21:37

they're in shape they're this they're

21:38

that

21:38

how are they doing it all you know and i

21:40

think that you know with anything

21:42

whether you're a mum or not social media

21:43

really can have that impact

21:45

um and i think it's it's just really uh

21:48

i'd say a few things

21:49

with um comparison first of all if we

21:51

are talking about social media or even

21:53

on social media

21:54

um you know people show you you know

21:57

what they want to show you at the end of

21:58

the day

21:58

so just because someone looks like they

22:00

have it all together

22:02

and everything is is fine and they're

22:04

happy it doesn't necessarily mean that

22:06

so i think it's just kind of having that

22:07

awareness

22:07

um first of all it's like it's just a

22:09

snapshot of their day

22:11

that's not necessarily the true reality

22:14

um

22:14

and then i mean how often do you know we

22:16

post pictures of us

22:18

where we haven't had any sleep or you as

22:20

a mom you haven't had any sleep you're

22:21

crying from being stressed

22:22

you know you've got food everywhere i

22:24

mean you don't really post pictures of

22:26

that right

22:26

so it's like with anything it's a

22:28

snapshot um

22:29

and i think you know just because i

22:31

think it's you know when it comes to

22:32

other people as well it's like

22:34

you know they might seem like they have

22:37

it all figured out now and everything's

22:38

good for them now but

22:40

you know maybe it was it's likely that

22:42

it wasn't always like that for that

22:43

person

22:44

you know i think we we're all on our own

22:46

journey and i think if we compare

22:48

ourselves to others

22:49

then it's gonna completely you know um

22:52

strip us of building our confidence of

22:54

self-love as well always feel like we're

22:56

not good enough

22:57

and i think it's just knowing that we're

22:59

on our own journey on our own timeline

23:01

and if anything i think you can look to

23:04

these people

23:04

and think okay cool what can i learn

23:06

from them

23:08

because there's always two ways we can

23:09

either look at other people and you know

23:11

feel bad about ourselves if we if we

23:13

think that they're doing better than us

23:15

or we can you know take a proactive

23:17

approach and be like okay cool

23:18

what's working for them you know what

23:20

can i learn and implement into my life

23:22

as well

23:23

so i think taking that perspective just

23:24

helps to build um

23:26

your confidence as well rather than kind

23:27

of beating yourself up

23:30

so i love that so taking it as

23:32

inspiration rather than

23:34

taking it as they're better than me

23:37

that's incredible

23:38

yeah i love that um you're doing

23:40

something really incredible right now

23:42

you're doing um you're working on sort

23:44

of a group of you're working with a

23:46

group of women

23:47

in the women who flourish which i think

23:49

is really

23:50

like amazing so there's a there's a

23:52

group of women that are together

23:54

all like-minded and they i'm assuming

23:56

they can all bounce off each other as

23:57

well but there's tons of

23:58

learning for them and growth as well

24:01

this was a mom that's interested

24:03

would it fit into a mom's schedule would

24:06

it be something that they could do

24:07

for sure so we have a few moms that have

24:09

joined that are joining it's the launch

24:11

week this week

24:12

and i've really created it based on a

24:14

lot of feedback

24:15

and the fact that you know um a lot of

24:17

women are moms

24:18

you know that this feedback does come up

24:20

of well i don't have a lot of time

24:22

i don't think i can commit um to it you

24:25

know very much right now

24:26

and so i created in a way that can be

24:28

very flexible as well

24:30

um with their time and so it's a program

24:32

so we you know we have a group session

24:34

you know once a month at the end of

24:35

every month

24:36

and really that's about kind of you know

24:38

delving into the month i think it's nice

24:39

to kind of

24:40

kind of keep track and see where we are

24:42

i think it's really great for confidence

24:43

like okay what went well for us this

24:45

month

24:46

you know what yay what have i learned

24:47

how have i grown what have i found

24:49

challenging

24:50

and being able to talk about that with

24:51

other women as well what can i learn

24:53

from that and sort of setting intentions

24:54

for the month ahead

24:56

so that's really it's just once a month

24:57

and then at the same time

24:59

you can dip into like the facebook group

25:01

there'll be some like challenges in

25:02

there live q and a's

25:04

recorded sessions and again that's for

25:05

you to do in your own time so i've

25:07

created it to be you know in a very

25:08

flexible way um yeah

25:12

that's amazing and if our listeners want

25:14

to find you where's the best place to

25:15

find you

25:16

yep so you can find me on instagram um

25:19

so it's coach underscore alia a-l-i-y-a

25:22

um and uh you can find me on facebook as

25:25

well alia raja

25:27

that's amazing i'll link all of your

25:29

details in the show notes so the

25:31

listeners will be able to find you

25:32

quite easily great thank you thank you

25:35

so much for joining me i really enjoyed

25:37

our conversation and i'm sure the

25:39

listeners will

25:40

learn something from what we've talked

25:41

about likewise thank you so much for

25:43

having me

25:43

it's been lovely

26:03

you